Doing the Love Limbo
Are you watching Love Island? I am. And, if I can take anything away from it aside from the “I’VE GOT A TEXXXTS,” and doing bits society, it’s the exposure of the undulating terrain that is love.
Danny, Yewande and Arabella have just about escaped the vexatious ties of their love triangle, as the spotlight moved like a coiled garden hose to Molly-Mae’s sadness over essentially being called a money-obsessive.
Yet interlaced in the hilarity and undeniable absorption that the reality TV hit creates, there’s also somewhat of a sadness surrounding the bravado.
Take Danny, a man whose day to day life before the show probably didn’t involve choosing between a scientist and a model. And, if it did, then we’ll whack a medal his way for world’s luckiest man! Whilst we’re quick to snigger and jibe, it’s an emotional rollercoaster for anyone, and one which, I’m sure, most have writhed around in at some point.
Talking from experience, although not from adroitness, the “love limbo” as I have so un-fondly coined it, is the battle in your mind, either between two people or what’s right or wrong. It’s this blank canvas that becomes the battlefield for your musings, as angry thought-soldiers use their swords to swipe down your rationality.
After I broke off my first relationship, after three-years together, I meandered through rights and wrongs like they were going out of fashion. All the while I kept thinking maybe it would’ve just been easier to do a Miranda from Sex & The City. You know when she’s questioning whether to get back with Steve after he was unfaithful?
Well, she made a list of why to stay and why to go. She ended up meeting him on the Brooklyn Bridge in what is one of the most joyous yet tear-wrenching moments in the whole Sex and the City series. Suffice to say, she stayed!
I, unlike Miranda, left. And whilst it was the right decision – hindsight is a wonderful thing – it’s tough to arrive at the definitive. There are an encyclopaedic amount of reasons we don’t leave when we know we should.
In fact, a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology revealed your less likely to break up with your partner if you feel they’re more dependent on the relationship: “When people perceived that the partner was highly committed to the relationship they were less likely to initiate a breakup.” Sad, but true. Take Amy and Curtis – Love Island’s latest ticking time bomb.
Sometimes you’ve got to do you, as the saying goes. But here’s a look at why sometimes we listen to our hearts not our heads…
1. History – and I don’t mean the Henry VIII kind.
History is a total b*tch when it comes to break ups. Just as you’re about to bite the bullet you start thing about that time you shared a mint choc chip on a gondola in Venice. Or, the first ever time you locked lips, awkward yet amazing. The good stuff rushes in like a herd of horses and the bad is blocked out…
Ask yourself, does the bad outweigh the good?
2. You’re afraid of being alone
This is a whopper of a reason most people don’t leave, and understandably so. It’s scary stuff! When I broke up with my ex, I moved out of luxury.
We lived in an epic flat in Edinburgh’s Old Town, and I use to wake up and smell the sea every morning and gander at the lighthouse across the bay from a marshmallow-esque mattress. It was something of a dream, that flat. I knew as soon as I left that it’d be a fair few years before I lived somewhere like that again…
Remember when that dreadful storm hit the UK at the start of 2018? Well, Scotland took a beating. White canvasses of snow enveloped the city and I lay on the sofa in a weird limbo between my last Journalism Masters hand-in and growing distinctly disillusioned with my writing job.
My days were consumed by eating tofu stir fry, watching Notting Hill and wishing I could have myself an “oopsy daisy” Hugh Grant replica, and drinking way too many turmeric lattes at my George Street local.
It was during this time that I moved out and had to find my own place. I’ve been lucky not to experience much in the way of stressful or sad situations in my life, but boy was this one a whopper.
I remember trenching through knee high snow across town and in a #blondemoment kind of way, forgot my gloves. As a result, I was stood freezing at a bus stop trying to view flats that were messaging saying: “due to the snow” they were no longer asking people to attend the viewings.
I had about a week to find somewhere.
Eventually, I did. It was bloody nice too, and as I was only sticking about in the city for another two months it did the job just fine. High ceilings and wide windows significantly brightened my mood!
It’s never going to be easy cutting the chord but it’s so worth it for your future. Snow up to your knees or not!
3. Online Dating Is A Big Fat No!
I am almost positive that if every girl or guy out there could dodge the awkwardness of receiving the purple aubergine in their Hinge inbox then they would. Online dating is a minefield of guys taking pictures of themselves with flash on in Holiday Inn and DM’s like “sit on my face and I’ll eat my way to your heart.”
Eyes meeting across the dance hall just doesn’t happen anymore. We’re millennially forced to enter the dark nest of ghosting and cuffing seasons instead of grabbing a martini in a suave hotel bar with a suited stranger you’d struck up a chat with on the tube.
Alas, we’re scared of ending things because of the horror stories we’ve heard from our single and ready to mingle pals. But the answer is simple – if you don’t feel dating apps are for you, resist!
There are so many reasons why the knife edge of a relationship is tricky to face. Many of which I'll explore further soon! But for now, if you have any comments, feel free to e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org